Thursday, November 6, 2014

Gothic Cat-calls

Part of this challenge.



Most of the responses I get are positive, but occasionally there are weirdos. I noticed that I got more harassment when I was 1) younger and 2) visited smaller towns. I spent most of my life in two of the biggest cities in the US, where dark fashion isn't too strange.

1) "It's not Halloween": Fuck em. I ignore them.


2) "Are you goth?": I can't tell if they are really that sheltered or if they're harassing me. A lot of inner city kids used to ask me this, so I assumed they didn't know. Otherwise fuck em. I ignore them or walk away.

3) General questions about my aesthetics, or specific questions about specific items "Why are you wearing those witch boots?": This annoys me. I usually counter with "What do those pink ballet flats and blue jeans say about your personality" when I'm bitchy, a simple "I dunno...I just like it." The answer they want is "Oh witch boots are dark and spooky like my soul! like my favorite band, Sisters or Mercy." At least I think. I think they just want you to be the stereotypes they remember from high school or tv. Of course, if the questions are genuine interest, I won't be a bitch, but we're talking about negative cat calls here.

4) *STARES* *KEEPS STARING*: I just let them stare. If it's creepy, I walk away. I don't confront them. That's how you get stabbed. If it's a dumb teen, I make eye contact and raise my eyebrows. If it's a cute little kid, I smile and wave. You look weird. People will stare. You have to be comfortable with this, otherwise you shouldn't wear the look. Sorry.

5) Oooh, you aren't wearing black today? or Why do you always wear black? Go easy on them...probably your friends or office workers are saying this. Aside from cutting my hair, when I don't wear black is the most exciting thing that happens around the water cooler (except when we got that new coffee machine...OMG we were talking about that for weeks). Usually these people want to talk to you but don't have a way to break the ice...today they break the ice. That being said, I roll my eyes and walk away. JUST KIDDING. I usually respond with "Nah, I hardly ever wear black" and change the subject, usually complimenting anything they're wearing. This pleases them. You made a friend.

6) Perverts: there are creeps who harass women... And creeps who harass Gothic women. No matter who you are, there's an asshole who fetishizes your type. As soon as they approach, I just start walking. If they sneak up on me, I don't even let them finish the first sentence. I just walk away. You don't have to talk to someone just because they walked up to you. You can walk away while they are midsentence. They'll say you're a stuck-up bitch or whatever..but it's better than if you stay and talk with them. I had guys touch me. One guy reversed down the wrong side of the street--putting his own life at risk--to yell things at me. Another guy just said I was his thing and started showing me pictures of his dick on his cellphone. All instances, I eventually walked away, ignoring them. Even Dick Guy, who continued walking with me for a while. 

(Bad neighborhoods: on the topic of safety, I've lived in one of the worst neighborhoods in the country... Being weird-looking kind of reduced the amount of casual hostility I got, I noticed. However, dealing with hostility in these neighborhoods is a whole different matter altogether...I one time answered yes to the classic "hey, baby...need a ride?" because a literal gang war just erupted around me. I think we were both caught off guard by my answer (and the violence), because he just ended up just driving me home. In complete silence. My point is...all bets are off in these kinds of neighborhoods)

What catcalls have you heard, and how did you respond?

16 comments:

  1. A oldie but goodie response to "It's not Halloween" is: "Then why are you wearing that ugly mask?" :D But yeah, most of the times it's better to just ignore.

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  2. I gotten these. The perverts are the most annoying. i have not heard the Halloween one in a while. I like the way you answer them. Usually, I do the polite approach or I ignore. Not worth my time. Must of been scary living in those types of neighborhoods.

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    1. yeah being polite or ignoring is the best way to go, I think.

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  3. I think I've mentioned before that I've been harassed by guys for dressing differently. Even when I'm not dressed provocatively I get hit on. It's usually not bad just awkward. It's like guys think because I'm alternative I'd date them without question. I'll usually just be relaxed with my responses, if you act chill I've found people react differently to you. I also mention my fiance immediately in some way. I don't get much hassle if I say I'm getting married, but when I use to say "boyfriend" it had no effect. Some guys speak aggressively but by reacting in a neutral, relaxed manner I find it doesn't escalate. If I had met the dick guy I would've laughed and made some sarcastic remark about his size.

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    1. yeah, bizarrely, saying that you have a boyfriend has no effect for some reason. I never understand why. I used to lie and say that I was married, and they'd somehow not believe me.

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    2. I think it's because some men are pigs and think that women can easily be persuaded to cheat on their boyfriends/spouses. I've even had acquaintances who would casually tell me I should leave my man because "we'd make such a great couple.” It's pretty gag worthy.

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    3. I hate bringing up the fact I have a boyfriend, because then it suggests that if I was single, the douchebag chatting me up would have a chance.

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  4. the pervert type is the worst probably. I love the stare type, I just stare at them back, trying to be as intimidating as possible lol. I love to smile at kids too, make sure they regard people like me as positive in their future lives.
    goth catcalling was probably the worst in Israel. people have no tact and think you should be friends with everybody, which is the reason for being called "whore" from a driving by car, it was completely normal even when I dressed anime-like in my early teens. of course there people in the streets who whistled while I walked by and so on. luckily this only rarely happens in Berlin where subcultures are recognized (unless you visit an ethnic minority neighborhood) and it even amuses me how my friends who have been living longer than me in Berlin are being insulted by goth cat calling. I just tell them to chill, as they haven´t lived in Israel lol

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    1. Wow Berlin sounds like such a haven compared to Israel. I've never been to Berlin, but the stereotype is that there's goths everywhere.

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  5. Loved this post! Your writing is humorous in a subtle yet sinister way and your points and advice seem really useful. ^__^

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  6. Loved this post! Your writing is humorous in a subtle yet sinister way and your points and advice seem really useful. ^__^

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  7. I think I never noticed anyone ever cat calling me, because I can't relate much to your post. Of course my parents sometimes say "oh wow, you're wearing colours today", or "what the hell is that on your face?" when I try some different make up, but I think I just never really cared about people cat calling me, so that's a good reason to why I don't remember anyone ever saying anything like this to me, HAHA.

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  8. If I am ever wearing anything remotely "different" I get strangers coming up to me and making comments or loudly commenting so you hear them (it is not only males making rude comments, for me it has been a wide range of people). I never ever ever even remotely acknowledge people. I do not owe an explanation or a response to someone I don't know. I don't believe that people have a right to come up to me out of nowhere and accost me. I think that people like getting a rude response when they comment on another person's appearance because then they like to get a rise out of people and I am not going to give them that satisfaction.
    If I am at a bar and dressed revealingly and this makes a man think he is allowed to make a comment, I usually don't respond or if I have to because he is in my face I just let him know that his comments are disrespectful and walk away.
    When I am at work and I am toned down in appearance I still look more "alternative" than most people in my field so I get comments all the time; these I am forced to respond to as I work with the public and I can't just walk away. I try to respond to these comments (i.e. OH MY GOD WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY EARRINGS!?!?!?As though people have never seen an earring before or something.) as politely and sweetly as possible as this throws people off.They seem to think I am going to be some kind of whacko but when they see that I am professional and good at my job then they feel like an idiot for even mentioning my piercings/makeup/black hair/whatever small thing it was about my appearance that so offended them.
    I wonder what happened to manners in our society...I was always taught to keep my opinions to myself. The only time I would tell someone what I thought about their appearance or style is if I knew them as a friend and I enjoyed something they were wearing.

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  9. Love this- "Aside from cutting my hair, when I don't wear black is the most exciting thing that happens around the water cooler (except when we got that new coffee machine...OMG we were talking about that for weeks)."

    :)

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