Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Poser talk

I'm taking a stand and letting you know what makes someone a goth, as per this challenge and re "world goth day" posts (and how corp goth was that sentence)

I spent a really lame (...or awesome?) saturday night watching goths call each other posers on youtube.

It was pretty amusing. Apparently all it takes to be goth is to listen to Bauhaus. What does Peter Murphy think of all the goth posers who listen to Bauhaus so they won't seem like posers even though they are? He'd think, "I could use more methamphetamine right now" because Peter Murphy likes methamphetamine.

Nice t-shirt, poser. did you buy that at a store?
From my research on the internet, I learned you also have to like a handful of other bands. I'm sorry, deaf people. You are all posers. Also, people from other countries...I don't know anything about your goth music, but it probably isn't legit. Learn English or something. Five bands--listen to em. You don't have to like them. That's it. You're goth now.

Sorry kids born after 1990, you can't be goth. I, a rivethead* (good luck googling that, kids), recently met someone who wasn't even ALIVE when Broken came out. This 22-year-old will always be less of a person to me. True story: unless you had my upbringing, you'll always be a poser. How could you know who you are unless you're watching some dude's dick getting ripped off on a bootleg VHS while you're ditching school? I don't know. Kids these days. I guess he'll just google it on his iPad or something. Whatever.

*(By the way, rivetheads (and I think i'm the only person who still uses this term) had a different way of identifying posers. It was the opposite from goths. If you listened to NIN or the five major bands, you were automatically a poser. That's why there's like none of us around. You had to go down the rabbit hole of side projects and indie bands until you were in another state at a show with 5 people. It honestly kind of sucked.)

the fuck is this?! not enough black, poser.

You have to know the history of goth. Here's the wikipedia link. God, posers, how lazy and dumb can you be? Typical millennials. Oh and, to those of you who say that "goth" started in the post-punk era, how about the Victorians? that's goth as shit. Beowulf is the first goth book, I'd argue in my freshman lit class. The cavemen had a fascination with death too...they lived to like 18 years old. Everyone was dying all over the place. One could, perhaps, argue that they were the first goths. I'm particularly fascinated by their burial practices...... What about you, poser?

If my sarcasm hasn't turned you away, I now present my final answer on what makes someone a goth: if a person self-identifies that way. If they say they're a goth, it's good enough in my book. I just believe them.

ugh whatever. trying too hard.


  1. Awesome dose of sarcasm! :D I've always been puzzled why people need to constantly evaluate others and constantly compare them to their own narrow existence.

  2. Think you kinda hit the nail on the head there. Haha

  3. Think you kinda hit the nail on the head there. Haha

  4. Think you kinda hit the nail on the head there. Haha

  5. Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!! I still use the term "rivithead" ;)

  6. This whole post had me in tears, lol you're awesome.

  7. I am in love with this post, HAHA! :D

  8. Love it! I hate peolle who tell others they are not Goth enough!

  9. I absolutely loved this post, I sat here grinning all the way through. Well said, I couldn't agree more.

  10. you KILLED me at the history parrt!!!!! XD
    that paragraph about the riventheads- that´s actually the way I would "view" goth people- obscure bands, a bunch of vinyls, weird taste in everything, etc etc.
    love this post, and you are beautiful!