hi ho, it's off to work we go

So, as you all know, I'm one of the lucky few with a job--benefits and everything. But I won't go into that... this blog is about fashion, not work. Sometimes--very rarely--it's about fashion and work.

Work is pretty dehumanizing, no matter what you do. Bullying managers, unfair pay, corruption, corporate greed, the list goes on. I graduated in 2008, during the worst of the depression...it really wasn't easy. But I'm back on my feet, 130k in debt but whatever, I'm working a job that exploits my skills and my time for near-slave wages.

Fuck work, seriously. But you have to go, and you have to wear clothes. And your clothes don't have to suck. You don't have to wear your mom's blazers and stupid "office" dresses. (By the way, I work in NYC. This may not work in Alabama or other backwoods state. I'm not sure what you wear to work in Alabama...maybe a hatchet man hockey jersey?)

Work's already taking your life, your money, your soul. It doesn't have to take your fashion too. You can do better than "office" wear in "gothy" colors. I've had one manager who told me "dress office-appropriate for the interview, but no Wall Street power suit silliness." Power suit silliness indeed. If you love suits and look great in them, by all means. If you want to wear them ironically, by all means. But don't wear them because you feel you have to because you're working a grownup job.

On the other hand, you can't pull out your goth brand skirt with pinstripes and a frilly button-up and call it a work outfit. If you've stayed away from goth brands, you might have an easier time coordinating an outfit for work--otherwise, you're going to have to go shopping.

In the image above, slutty alternative secretary on the right looks stupid, unprofessional, trying too hard, and NOT goth.  Cheap materials, while ok in a dark club/fog machine/blacklight, looks terrible under your cubicle's crappy florescent glow. Cheap materials require awesome makeup and hair--I don't care how dedicated you are to the scene, you aren't wearing your ponyfalls and contact lenses to your management job at Google. So when your hair is normal, your makeup is minimal, and you're wearing cheapo Tripp and Bodyline at the office, you kind look confusing to your straight-edge managers and coworkers.

You can, however, mix the cheapest goth brand stuff with high-quality non-goth brand stuff:

Ok. Let's go shopping. I recommend these basics:

• several batwing sleeve tops/sweaters/dresses (see above, left). batwing, guys. Also called a dolman sleeve. If you like flowing, romantic, relaxed, comfortable, mysterious looks, this is for you. It's basically like wearing a cape. I always feel fabulous in these, especially with a long necklace.
• Something with buttons. Office wear=buttons. These are good for meetings. You can include collared shirts in this category. If you feel like too much of a corporate tool, they've got collars with studs in them now.
• Turtleneck. Turtlenecks are the best way to show off your necklaces and earrings. You also always look put together in a turtleneck. Every time I wore a turtleneck to an interview, I got the job. I don't know what it is about them.
• Skinny black pants. In the example below, I chose a waxed black denim pant, which has a slight sheen to them. You know I like the black + shiny. 
• Long fitted skirt in very high quality fabric or leather, high waisted. Goes with everything, and you'll pretty much be wearing it every day. 
• Office pants. Your choice. 
• I didn't include any pictures of dresses in the images below, but batwing dresses, buttoned dresses, turtleneck dresses--actually most dresses that aren't too goth brand are fine.

Experiment with these:

• crop tops with high-waisted pants/skirts
• sheer chiffon
• super-wide legged pants that looks like a dress--witchy!
• velvet
• vintage

Tips:

• Not sure if your top is work-appropriate? Tuck it into your skirt/pants. 
• high-waisted = office for some reason.
• If it has buttons, it's good for the office.
• If you've got lots of piercings, go for a monochromatic color scheme in black or other color for your piercing jewelry. No cheap acrylics. Make sure they match and harmonize with each other. If you've got large gauges, don't hide em! Wear the nice wood/horn/bone organics--or match them with your facial piercings. 
• dying your hair an unnatural color? this is the most offensive thing for some reason (well, after 2-inch pointed nails). If you have a hellish boss, this might suck. Even if your boss doesn't suck, I recommend black or other natural color around your hairline. You want something natural by your face especially. After that, go crazy. 
• Most importantly, be good at your job and gain the respect of your employees and manager. Be hardworking, smart, the best person there. Then you can really wear whatever you want.

Outfits--no shoes or accessories here. You can pretty much wear what you'd like with these...no dog collars or cyber boots though.

Some goth work outfits I've worn to the office:

this tunic is my most favorite piece ever. it's trimmed with leather. I didn't wear the black lipstick to work,  btw

Iron your f#$%ing shorts, people